I’ve been holding back lately. Holding back all the horrible, mean, hurtful things that I want to say to people.
Just 2 weeks ago, my aunt asked me for the nth time if i own a ref on my pad. I politely said yes. I wanted to enumerate everything that I have on my unit but I decided to be polite. Then on our annual family reunion/x-mas party last week, she asked me again if I own a ref. I politely said yes again and smiled. I wanted to ask her if she’s obsessed with freezers or maybe she wanted to know if I have a spare to give her.Is she thinking that I can’t afford to buy a refrigerator? Well, if she pay the money that she owes me, maybe I can buy 4 more refrigerators for my unit.
Two days ago, my friend and I decided to get together and have coffee. We agreed to meet at exactly 2pm at CBTL at the Mall of Asia. So I arrived at around a quarter to 2 just so I could have a little alone time and listen to some music. Then 2pm came. I waited. I waited. It was already 3pm and my friend was nowhere to be found. I called her and asked her where she was and she just said “On the way” and ended the call. She arrived around past 4pm. I was already boiling with rage inside but I just said “no problem”.
Am I actually being good to everyone now? Being good is not really part of my New Year Resolution but I’m becoming really patient and understanding. And I think that this anger repression thing has side effects on my sleep. These past few weeks I always dream about me shouting at people, getting really mad at them and letting all the dirty feelings out of my chest. Is it because I’m getting older and wiser? I dunno. Maybe getting a lot of neat stuff from my mom and my uncle made me a little nicer to people. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll continue being nice to people and consider being rude as part of the list of the few things I have to change for the new year.
Anyway. Happy New Year.
